Escapes
by Trisyl
Summary: Artemis's getting tired of the rules and regulations set by his father. But is it really his father, or has he rescued the wrong man?FIFTEENTH CHAPTER HAS ARRIVED!!! I can breathe freely now! *gasps for air* R&R, please!!
1. Escapes

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: You know it. I know it. I don't own Artemis (though I'd love to.) or any other Characters, unless specified by me. His father's personality, I own. Yay!  
  
Snippet from Artemis Fowl, the Extended Teenage Years:  
  
"After Artemis' father recovered from his overly extended frostbite from Russia, Artemis' mother Angeline had completely recovered from her, ah, craziness, to the extent that she now insisted on "family time".. Of course, this would cause reactions from both senior and junior.."  
  
"Aw.. Arty.. Would you like some more tea?" His mother's sugary voice broke through his thoughts like a thousand donuts, each bonking him once on the head. "No, Mother." He said through gritted teeth. It was enough watching her coo over his father. Expecting him to go along with their lovey- doveyness was just too much  
  
He stormed out of the room, taking one last look at his parents, rubbing noses against each other. Uh-oh. This was no place for a teenage boy to be when, he winced, they did that. Ugh. He went to his labtop to surf off all the extra sugar he had collected during that family time.  
  
Later that night:  
  
"Butler." The voice crackled on the cell phone, but still as sharp and piercing as ever. The bodyguard responded immediately from his cold and wet post outside the Fowl estates. Artemis Senior's first action on returning was to dismiss Butler, whom, he claimed, was not needed by a "legit" family. What he didn't know, however, was that, before the Senior had recovered, without ever leaving his labtop computer, Artemis had managed to get ahold of several drunken Russians in a chatroom, learned of Britva the Boss of Mafiya, and tipped off the police.  
  
Of course, Artemis was considerate. He had offered the information to Britva as well, for half of the profits of the Mafiya. Britva had sent spit over the internet to land at Artemis' feet. Artemis had merely smiled his usual half-grim grin. As he well knew, Butler's associates were already headed to their hideout. It was only a matter of time before he got everything anyway. Britva certainly didn't need the money, heading towards jail the way he was.  
  
And now Artemis had a little nest egg to himself. Seventy-five million. Not too shabby. More than enough to keep Butler in his services for twelve more years, and by then, he would have inherited the rest of everything, and go back to being nicely illegal.  
  
"Yes, sir." He responded respectfully, but warily. It was nearly midnight. And darkness, nighttime, and Artemis Fowl did not seem like a comfortable thought. "Relax, Butler." His employer's tone was irritated. "I only need to escape this stifling castle. I'll meet you by the statue of the bagpiper. Prepare the Cattalina '69." "Why not the limo, sir?" Butler queried, his mouth suddenly dry. If Artemis didn't want to be recognized, it usually meant something was afoot..  
  
"Oh, Butler.." sighed Artemis melodramatically. " Do I have to explain everything to you? I don't want those cameras at the gates to see a limo taking off! I need some time alone, and a Cattalina '69 is the least suspicious car in my father's collection of junk." His tone clearly implied that he didn't think much of it.  
  
"Yes, sir." Said Butler, and resolved to shut up, but his curiosity got the better of him. "Where will you stay, sir?" "Oh, I'll just commit a crime, get the LEP to arrest me, and spend some time in a padded cell. You think?" snapped Artemis sarcastically. "I'll fly to Tara. We'll have a hard time squeezing you into that tree trunk hole portal, but I think we can manage. Those fairies could have use of those twisted versions of their own technology."  
  
"Of course." Said Butler, and hung up. Then, before going to fetch the Cattalina, he bent down to his knees, praying that there would be no magic tricks this time.  
  
What he didn't know was, on the other side of the dirt, through her little security camera in Artemis' gold coin, Holly was beating her head on the ground, wondering why Artemis had to come back, just as she'd gotten the triple acorn Logo.  
  
Well, what do you think? Lousy? O.K.? Flamers will be doused by the community pool water, and bashed over the head with Holly's buzz baton, so no flames plz! 


	2. Capture

Escapes:  
  
Chapter II: Capture:  
  
Disclaimer: NOT MINE!!  
  
O.K. I heard from a few people that they don't like the monitors on Artemis, and one person who did like it. Well, let's just say that Holly still doesn't go THAT far to trusting Artemis. It's not Council approved, though I have no doubt they would approve.  
  
And for those who would like more Holly and Underground, skip this chapter. You won't be happy here because there's only one scene with her in it. Also, Artemis+ Holly anti-fans, stay away from here if you still want betrayal between complete enemies.  
  
And tell me if 3 acorns mean commander!  
  
Now, on with the fic!!  
  
Lower Elements: Muttering obscenities under her breath, Commander Holly Short fumed and stewed over the latest news about Artemis Fowl. The once-great threat to the People had sworn, as much as a crook can, that he was no longer to be counted as a menace.  
  
Holly would've greatly liked to believe him, concerning the episode with the gold coin and all, which was actually a coin-cam she had stolen from Foaly a long time ago, which had put him in a bad mood for quite a while. Apparently, that was one of the many memoirs of the technology he had beaten Opal Koboi to discover while in college.  
  
But, Holly's mind snapped back to the matter at hand. Artemis was coming down. To the Lower Elements. In Holly's inevitably logical mind, Artemis plus Butler plus the LEP plus her new station added up to trouble. He had sent her down two classes before, and there was no guarantee that he wouldn't do it again, by accident or not. She had worked hard to get here!  
  
He does have a spark of decency, though. Her brain had the nerve to remind her. You said so yourself. "Yeah? Well, that was because.. because.." She stuttered to a stop. Holly never stuttered. She didn't know why she had said that. But she would have done for anyone else who needed reminding that they weren't completely evil "D'Arvit"s.  
  
Artemis was nothing special to her. Meant nothing to her. He was nothing special at all.  
  
Fowl Mansion: Artemis sneaked through the cold mansion, when the heat was normally turned off, to conserve energy, and tiptoed especially quietly through his parents' wing, though he thought he could hear moans of elation. Sickening behavior. He thought irritably. And I thought I said to have all strains of madness removed from my mother. Well, it was her choice whether she wanted that sort of thing or not.  
  
He returned his full mind to the task ahead. As a fact, Artemis did not like sneaking. He preferred to stay comfortably established in his leather- made office chair, and let his contacts and underlings do the sneaking. But doing that was no help in this case. He couldn't be transported by computer. Hmmm.. Interesting idea. He'd have to study that.  
  
For the third time, he talked to himself. Relax, he said inwardly, You're wearing an LEP vibration suit. No one can see you. Pull the gargoyle's tongue, grab the pearl inside its mouth, and slide the pearl back in the hole in the back of the statue before you leave.  
  
But there was something wrong, even though he was two steps away from the statue. He felt calm, unshaken and was freezing. That was it. He wasn't vibrating. He cursed himself, using words Butler had been so careful to try to omit from his charge's vocabulary. He was supposed to be a genius! Geniuses noticed this sort of thing. He stepped back a pace to head back to his room, to call it off, and figure out why it wasn't working.  
  
Then, it happened. He was vibrating again. Step forwards, no vibration. He squinted in the dark at a little machine hanging on the wall he hadn't noticed before, because it looked like all the other experimental gadgets that his father had worked to create, and hung them up in his elation. They did nothing, so Artemis had never paid attention to them. But this time he did.  
  
He leaned towards it, studying it carefully, omitting no details. And Artemis finally noticed. Boxed radiation. He breathed in awe. Even Foaly didn't have radiation contained in a box to uncover the vibration and the invisibility. He reached out to take the box..  
  
And that's when the lights came on. Artemis heard the "click" of the switch, and then he was squinting into brightness.  
  
"Why, hello, Arty." A sarcastic voice broke into the silence that Artemis had just grown accustomed to. Behind him stood a hurt and confused Angeline and, for reasons Artemis didn't want to know, was dressed in a nightgown of pink teddy bears. And one more person. "Timmy". His triumphant father. 


	3. Discovery

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except for maybe Artemis Senior, whose personality scares me anyway.  
  
IMPORTANT: I must say, even though I'm a small time writer living in a tiny and seedy apartment, I honestly expected lots of reviews. I'm like that. Thanx to the one person who bothered to read Chapter Two and review!!! For the rest, shame on you! Sry, must have eaten 2 many mnms!  
  
Discovery:  
  
Lower Elements Police Plaza:  
  
"Commander Short! Commander Short!" The cry was urgent, and high-pitched. Rubbing her temple, Holly reflected on hiring all those teenage elves with the breaking voices. Maybe generosity wasn't such a good idea after all. "Yes, Lavinia?" she demanded of a delicate looking elf-girl only two feet tall.  
  
"Captain Verbil would like to know what kind of doughnuts you prefer." Said the girl respectfully. Holly Short had acquired five inches during the last two months. Big growth for a little sprout. She now towered over many special people, and, to her amusement, was one inch taller than the three foot four inches Foaly.  
  
"By the Acorn, another one?" groaned Holly irritably. Chix Verbil would never know a refusal to date him if it danced the hula in its underwear. She sighed. "Look, tell CAPTAIN Verbil that, if he wants to, he can order a slug filled with candy and deliver it personally to 17.14.14.19 Core Street at midnight." The pixie look-alike ran away to deliver its message.  
  
Holly chuckled under her breath. The person who lived there certainly wasn't very good-looking, or patient. Commander Root would NOT like his surprise in the middle of the night. Holly only wished that she'd had the good sense to sneak a camera somewhere close by, to record the moment of truth.  
  
Fowl Mansion:  
  
Artemis was being punished. In his point of view, anyway. He'd never had to sit down with a parent and listen to them drone on and on about how bad he was. So, he did the only logical thing. He shut them out, only nodding once in a while.  
  
And so, when he came back to the world, he found his father scowling at him. "You fell asleep." Said his father sharply. Artemis Senior sounded almost as bad as himself, Artemis reflected. Well, two could play at that game. "I don't need fools around me to tell me what to do." He said coolly, his eyes diamond hard. His father growled. "Listen, boy, I don't need someone who was sucking his thumb by the time I stole the Mona Lisa, and hung a fake in the Louvre, to tell ME what to do."  
  
"How tedious for you," said Artemis Junior, studying his fingernails with a casual glance. "Why didn't you simply take control of the security cameras, snap a picture, and the next day, remove the painting? I, of course, immediately knew that it was fake. It won't be long before they start checking every crimelord's house, especially if I tip them off.."  
  
The blood drained out of his father's face, and Artemis allowed himself a tiny smirk. "You wouldn't dare.." his father hissed menacingly. Carelessly, Artemis smiled, a carefree grin. "Try me." He whispered. As his father slumped forwards, he stepped out of the room. " And now," he said softly, "If you'll excuse me, I have a call to make. Business, you know."  
  
As soon as he was in his own bedroom, Artemis spoke. "Mr. Diggums, I know you're here. You can come out now." Nothing moved. Artemis smirked. A smirking Artemis is a fearsome sight. Even his mother had learned not to argue with him when he had that look on his face. "Really, Diggums, you should know better than that. There's a stinking smell in the air, dwarf gas, I suspect, and there's a giant pile of blankets where there wasn't before. Care to make me guess where you are?"  
  
The blankets shifted, and Mulch Diggums blinked into the sunlight. "Close the curtains, Mud Boy!" he shrieked suddenly. "I hate sunlight!" "Right, right." Said Artemis smoothly. "Keep your back flap on." He shot a grin at the irritated but solemn dwarf. "So where are the others?" he queried tensely.  
  
"Downstairs, in your garden, posing as garden gnomes." Said Mulch easily, munching on one of the fruits in the fruit bowl next to him. Artemis considered Mulch's wrinkled face, and decided not to mention that they looked nothing like statues.  
  
"So," Mulch tactfully changed the subject, "how do we do this 'Fort Knox' thing?" "Elementary, my digging colleague. Get us below Fort Knox's center of gold, and leave the rest to me." "What are you planning, Mud Boy.. er.. Fowl?" said Mulch suspiciously. Artemis grinned wolfishly. "Foaly's time- stop.. in a bomb." 


	4. Attack

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of his associates. For now though, I own his father's very *cough cough* original personality, and Mulch Diggums' associates, whose names are weird, original, and owned by me. Pity me. They all stink.  
  
By the way, I only got four reviews from anybody for the third chapter. Thanx to Milo Thatch, Ivory, Kirjava, and Ivycreeper, the ONLY people who bothered to tell me anything. For the rest of you, SHAME, and REVIEW!  
  
Attack:  
  
LEP HQ:  
  
"Commander Root!" He heard a very familiar voice call out for him, and he spun around to face it. "Well, Commander Long?" he said sarcastically. Being slightly smaller than Holly did not put him in a good mood, and he had taken to making jokes about it.  
  
Holly gritted her teeth, but she smiled sweetly. "How was your date last night?" her honeyed voice dripped with sympathy. Root groaned. Did the whole world know that he had asked Wing Commander Vinyaya out on a date? Did they all know that she had laughed in his face?  
  
"No, they don't know, for now. But they will, if a certain commander doesn't listen to what I'm saying." Whispered Holly. Root glared at her. "Alright, Commander Short, you have permission to give me your theory."  
  
Holly took a deep breath. "Artemis Fowl is attempting to break Fort Knox." Root snorted. "So? What does it matter to us if some foul Mud Boy breaks Mud Men law? The only thing that he could have done wrong is." When Holly nodded, he paled several shades to a light magenta. Not a pretty color. "My Acorn." He said in disgust. "He's taken fairy technology to do it."  
  
Fort Knox, on the way out:  
  
Artemis was crouching in his limousine, being driven out by Butler. He wasn't alone. For one thing, every secret compartment under the seats, in the TV, behind the microwave, every thing was stuffed with gold bars. For another thing, he had company. Very short company, but still people.  
  
"'Ey! Didja getta loadda tha guy with'a gun?" hiccupped one dwarf, who had identified himself as Munch Shovelson. The limousine broke into raucous laughter. At least five other dwarves were sprawled out on the car's silk and leather seats. Artemis could identify them easily. He had memorized their faces and names, just in case the LEP came looking.  
  
They were Munch Shovelson, Moley Minings, Xcav Vation, Chipoff Rock, Digoff Tunnelsing, and, of course Mulch Diggums. All short, bearded, and ugly beyond comparison. Even Xcav Vation, who was a girl, had a beard longer than any of the other dwarves.  
  
He lowered his voice and spoke to Mulch, who was sitting sensibly on a seat, buckled up, while his associates were telling more and more obtuse jokes. "What is wrong with your, ah, friends?" demanded an irritated Artemis, after having to listen to the same joke for the fifteenth time.  
  
Mulch regarded him with a dizzying calm. "Their magic makes them drunk on gold. When they see too much gold, they get drunk. Why do you think that I lost my magic on purpose?" "You lost your magic on purpose?" inquired Artemis, intrigued. "Yeah. I broke the rules for dwarves. Never see the sun, and never leave behind a jewel. Stupid rules, really. And, that, Mud Boy, is not all. Why, if you're a fairy, if you break a rule, you become mud worms!" He cackled in high glee, which Artemis recognized as slightly drunk.  
  
Apparently, Mulch hadn't lost all of his magic. Then, Artemis turned his thoughts to Tara, and to breaking the rules. Lucky he still had everything from the war of Fowl Mansion, which was how he thought of the battle between fairy and human kind. And he fished out a copy of the Book, and became immersed in reading it.  
  
Butler, who had heard all the conversation in the back, suddenly started sweating again. He devoutly hoped that Artemis would remember his promise of not meddling with magic or fairies again.  
  
So.. What do you think? Should I continue? If anyone cares at all, I must get five more reviews before I go to chapter five, and they have to be from at least two different people. I'm sorry, but I'm trying for a new fic, and if this one isn't important, then I don't feel like continuing it. The review count currently stands at 12. 


	5. Getaway

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: Doesn't anyone find this boring? O.K. I don't anyone I happen to be interested in during this fic, except maybe the odd gremlin. 8 )  
  
Didja really think I wasn't going to write the next chapter? ^____* You know me better than that! I'm just your typical little town girl, with potential for writing ( I think.) and an obsession with Artemis Fowl. If you don't agree, feel free to tell me so!  
  
Getaway:  
  
Somewhere far away, in a limousine:  
  
"Butler." The summons. Of course, the faithful manservant immediately appeared. Or, he would've, had he not been busy driving the limousine. As it was, Artemis had to contend himself with his loyal servant's head. "Yes, Artemis?" he inquired courteously. "Get me a line to Fowl Mansion. Juliet, please." His employer said curtly. Butler nodded. Unfortunately, Artemis couldn't see. But the results were the same.  
  
Fowl Mansion:  
  
"Like, hello?" Juliet's extremely fickle and flirty voice rippled into the receiver, touched only by a little nervousness, due to the giant gun barrel aimed at her head. "Juliet." the cell phone crackled, and finally spat out her name. "Like, yes?" she inquired tensely, reading the cue cards Artemis' father held up for her. (Just kidding. Actually, she read his expression.) "Who is this?"  
  
"It's Artemis. Get me those little toys left over from the war, and be quick about it, we're hurried. They're in number #13." Both she and the gun holder tensed. Artemis. She tried to hint it out. "OF COURSE, Artemis. But don't you think this is a little INDISCREET of you? I promised you not to LISTEN or be an EAVESDROPPER on your conversations. But I'll RUSH. And DON'T- I mean, COME BACK SOON." And she hung up.  
  
She went to get a few of those old gun-toys Artemis had played with when he was younger, to mix with the actual weapons. When he was quiter. Not quite so intent on his criminal explorations. She hoped feverently that Artemis Senior wouldn't know the difference. Most of all, she hoped Artemis would come back soon. The man was getting to be a menace. How could a girl get her beauty sleep?  
  
Somewhere far away in a limousine.  
  
Click!   
  
The line went dead, and Artemis was left in a state he was never in for long, confusion. Juliet had sounded almost glad, to hang up. What was wrong with her? Then again, her message of "Indiscreet, listen, eavesdropper, rush, don't come back soon." wasn't a terribly inspiring line. Probably his father had discovered he had gone. Oh well. At this rate, they'd be in Tara in five minutes. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.  
  
This was his last thought before a giant blackout covered his car and he and his companions, to put it in a friendly manner, were sent into blissful sleep.  
  
Outside the evil blackout:  
  
Opal Koboi: It is not evil! Trisani: Hush! It's my fic! And besides, Foaly invented the blackout device. Why are you defending him? *raises eyebrows* *Opal Koboi immediately gets out of fic*  
  
"Heh. Commander Short's gonna like this. Hey, check it out, Commander." Chix the Captain. What a nightmare. Holly rubbed the back of her neck, then realized that Chix was waiting for one of her perky "good work" comments. "Umm.. Good work, Captain." She said reluctantly. Chix immediately split into a giant grin. "Always knew she had a soft spot for the Chix man." He was heard saying before Holly quickly departed the vicinity.  
  
"Officer trouble? I know how you feel. I once had to deal with a nosy girly captain." Giggled a horse-like voice. Holly looked down to see.. Foaly. After Holly's growth sprout, and elevation in station, the centaur had stopped making jokes. Almost. The centaur really couldn't control his mouth. Experiments had proved it. Foaly might die, and Foaly might sleep, but his mouth went on forever.  
  
He sensed that she was deliberately not paying attention, and changed the subject with the air of a master in his element. "So, what are you going to do with Master Artemis?" he asked, and immediately regretted it. Because in the middle of Holly's frowning face was the beginning of the smile of a shark.  
  
Her voice was deathly soft, so quiet that Foaly had to lean in to hear what she said next. "Since Master Fowl so much appreciates demoting so many soldiers, I will send him to Training. I will show him the sweat of every inch of the way." Smirking, Foaly remarked. "What about the big guy? The Butler?" he cracked, giggling again. But Holly turned on him, her face like stone.  
  
"Since you like him so much, and he simply adores computers." Here, her voice dripped with sarcasm and contempt. "He will be sentenced to the Operations Booth with you."  
  
HELLO?! Oh, great. I thought I was alone in adoration of myself and my fic. Well, maybe I am, but aren't you guys insecure now? You never know when I'll decide to cancel my fic! Mwahahahaha.. Selene (my alter-ego): O.K. that's enough chocolate for you, now shut up before I feed you to Holly. Trisani: So? She's a vegetarian! Lucy: Then why did I just see her eat chicken after I starved for three days? Trisani: (gulps) I'll be good. *Lucy and Selene drag Trisani off the stage. * 


	6. Revelation

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the gruesome and rigorous training that Artemis goes through, and the boredom that Butler goes through. ; -) Oops, did I just say that?  
  
Revelation:  
  
Artemis woke up in a dank and cold cell alone. Actually, he woke up with fifty other inmates, all of them young, eager, and impetuous. Only ten of them were girls. And all of them were fairies. He groaned, and tried to remember what had happened. There was too much noise around.  
  
"Shut up!" he snapped reflexively. Immediately, there was silence. But not the kind he liked. It was the "Who's this grouchy nut" silence, and it was obvious they didn't like him. Someone broke the silence.  
  
"Who's this grouchy Mud Boy? And what's he doing in our room?" someone asked. There was a ripple of malicious laughter. "Throw 'im out! Throw 'im out!" someone else began chanting, and soon the whole room was repeating it. They picked Artemis up, and attempted to throw him out of the room, through the bars.  
  
This lot wasn't terribly smart, reflected Artemis, if they thought that they could fit his slender (but not THAT slim) body through the tiny spaces between the bars. He winced as his head was again banged against metal.  
  
There was a clang of metal again, but it certainly wasn't in this cell. For one thing, his head wasn't hurting anymore. For another, it sounded of a different alloy. And for yet another, Captain Short was outside his cell, banging a gong.  
  
She opened the door, and fifty excited teenage fairies streamed out. That, and one irritated Artemis Fowl with a major headache. "I see they gave you the Mud Worm Bang." She said with a slight smirk. "But of course." Said Artemis, courteous as always, if a bit sarcastic. "I presume you know, Captain Short, because they did it to you as well."  
  
For one moment, the overbearing leer was wiped off Holly's smug face. She immediately recovered, and glared at him snootily. "That would be COMMANDER Short to you, mud worm." She stalked off; at least, with as much dignity as her short three foot five form could muster.  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
Butler twitched. So did the camera. Butler yawned. The camera leaned in to see his back teeth. Butler scratched himself. The camera followed the FASCINATING movements of his beefy hands. The vein in Butler's left eye pulsed, and he punched the camera. The lens broke.  
  
Foaly glanced over briefly, in an amused manner. "Getting bored already on Security duty, Butler?" he inquired. "I wouldn't have expected it of you, considering you set yourself up in the SECURITY business." He laughed at his own joke, and Butler had no idea what he meant. His left eye's vein pulsed again.  
  
The centaur's laughter stopped, and he assumed a more concerned and generous outlook. "I'm sure your Mud Bo- I mean Fowl will be perfectly fine without you." Butler winced. He had gotten rather attached to Artemis during their thirteen years of companionship, and he liked to think that Artemis couldn't do without him.  
  
And at the moment, Artemis could have really used his help.  
  
Training Field:  
  
"Aten- HUT!" Everyone spun towards the female voice except Artemis, who had no idea what was going on anyway. The voice got closer. "PRIVATE FOWL!" Unwillingly, Artemis spun around to face Holly Short with a wicked grin on her face.  
  
"What am I doing here, Short?" he found himself asking curtly. She smiled, and pushed him into the nearby mud. His silk and custom-designed shirt ruined, he stood up, soaking and angry. Then he met the expression on her face.  
  
With an evil sneer on her face, Holly said, "I'm going to teach you how to get to Commander, with Artemis Fowl in your way." Her face shifted and molded, and so did her clothes, until she changed completely into.  
  
Himself.  
  
Sooo.. What will happen?! The more reviews come in, the faster I'll type the next chapter, you lucky dogs! And this time, I don't want copies of the same review! If you want this badly enough, you can use your creative strength to type me new reviews!! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS!  
  
Lucy: Where does she get all that chocolate?  
  
Selene: I have no clue.  
  
*Lucy and Selene drag Trisani off the stage. * 


	7. Exasperation

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the camera Butler smashed in the last chapter.  
  
Foaly: Hey, that was mine!  
  
Trisani: Oh, yeah, so I don't own anything. Waaaahhh!  
  
Complaints: I WANT TO START MY OTHER FIC!! It's sure that nobody's been reviewing this one! I did the last chapter and no one noticed. Yes I'll finish this first, but if my patience and dedication starts fraying, I just might cut everything short to a cliffhanger. HA!  
  
Annie: Trisani, what are you doing?  
  
Trisani: Nothing.  
  
(Audience boos loudly)  
  
Annie: Surrrre.  
  
Lucy: Have you been threatening the readers again?  
  
Trisani: No.  
  
(Audience boos loudly)  
  
Selene: Don't worry guys. We'll capture her with an army of goblins, and start tearing her apartment building down, after we torch her-  
  
(Audience boos loudly)  
  
Annie: Oooook Selene, I don't think the audience wants to know that.  
  
(Audience boos loudly)  
  
Lucy: On with the fic!  
  
(Audience boos loudly)  
  
This'll be a moderately boring chapter. I sent this out in honor of everyone who likes torturing Artemis Fowl. All right? Please don't kill me Artemis fans. (instead gets pelted with rotten apples) Owww.. Anyway, Holly tortures Artemis, Butler gets bored to death, Foaly gets a really good laugh on the security cameras while being pulverized, and we get to see more of what the LEP normally does without world-threatening life forms.  
  
Exasperation:  
  
"First Obstacle ready! All candidates head to the South Field!" the announcer boomed overhead in speakers. Artemis recognized it as Foaly. And he suddenly realized how little he knew about fairykind, and their daily lives. Somehow, he was sure that they did not walk around everyday battling evil kidnappers.  
  
Vaguely, he wondered why the message to come to the South Field was only being played in the South Field. It seemed a bit. incompetent. "It's because fairies have much more high-pitch sensor ears. Now get moving to Obstacle # 1, Fowl." Said a voice behind him. He spun around to see.. Nothing.  
  
Then he remembered where he was, and looked down. Commander Holly Short. "Commander Short." He retorted, allowing 'Commander' to somehow rhyme with 'pond-scum'. She flashed him a smile he wasn't sure he liked, and showed him what seemed to a tiny bead of light on her ear. "Foaly's new READ 3000.A Radiation Energy Assumption Decipherer. Gibberish aside, it's supposed to read thoughts. And, I assure you, it's working perfectly."  
  
Her smile vanished, as if whisked away by magic, and she snapped him a "Fowl, report to the field immediately." He felt himself marching towards a bunch of. Were those stonewalls? What were they doing in the middle of nowhere? He felt bemused, a feeling he was getting to know better as he spent more and more time on this particular mission.  
  
"Fowl." He heard Holly sigh as he turned around to acknowledge her again. "Fowl, you fool. Go climb that wall, but before you do that, put the climbing gear first." She spoke slowly and gently, as if he were an idiot, not a thirteen-year-old genius. Artemis stiffened. He was a Fowl, and no Fowl had let any common soldier speak like that to them for a long time. To his twisted mind, revenge was quite in order.  
  
So he slapped her, to punish her for her cheek.  
  
Or he would've, had her hand not come out of nowhere, grabbed his wrist, flipped him over, and then, without even breathing hard, laid a foot on his stomach, looking triumphant. Plus, to add insult to injury, Holly inexorably bent down, and slapped him, exactly the way he meant to do to her.  
  
"Reflexes, Fowl." She said softly. Artemis was dazed. "What?" he said, befuddled. "Reflexes!" snapped his commanding officer, losing her patience. "You need quicker reaction if you really want to hit your commander, not to mention a bigger fist, and stronger arms." Still chuckling over her latest victory, she turned away.  
  
Artemis seethed inwardly, but maintained a calm outward appearance. He would have enough time to bide for his revenge on Holly. Imagine the audacity of that.. that.. fairy! He was so busy plotting, and trying to figure out which way the climbing rope went on, that he didn't notice he had called the Commander by her first name.  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
Butler was getting even twitchier than the hour before, if that was possible. At least, this time, he had no mimicking camera to bug him. Though, almost as if to make up for the camera, Foaly was making more jokes than ever. He had gotten, almost out of nowhere, a book called "The Centaur's Guide To Making Security Jokes" and was using them all on Butler.  
  
Suddenly, Butler spied action in what Foaly told him was commonly called the "Safe" Room, named so for all the safes in there, full of all of Foaly's new inventions. There was an actual thief in there! Butler felt adrenaline coursing through his veins. Chasing thieves was what he was born to do, and this was offially an end to his boredom!  
  
"Foaly." He had trouble keeping his voice level. "Foaly, there's a thief in the Safe Room." The centaur, looking bored and amused at the same time, glanced over at the security screens. "Oh, so there is." He said agreeably. "I'll get him." Said Butler grimly, cracking his overlarge knuckles, allowing them to make sounds like gunshots. "I'll make him wish he was never born. Foaly, this'll only take a second-" "Butler, Butler, Butler.." The centaur sounded even more amused. "My way is easier."  
  
"Your way?" said Butler confusedly. As if in explanation, the centaur hovered his chair over to a few keyboards, and pushed in three keys. Immediately, ten security guards showed up in the Safe Room to confront the thief. There was a very brief scuffle, then, one of them stood up, holding the disgraced elf in one hand, and waved at the camera.  
  
"Oh." Was all Butler could say. His exercise, gone. Back to boredom, and even more boring; staring at unchanging plasma screens. "Oh." He said again, feeling something he had never felt before, piteous. "Your way." He said sadly, staring at the blank spot where the thief had been moments before. In that one second of self-pity, he wished he had taken the job of security man for the president of the United States. Just for that second.  
  
Training: South Field:  
  
Artemis was just about to start. Several of the occupants in the line glared at him, mouthed 'mud worm', and gave him a wide berth. Artemis didn't care. He himself would've rather been at home, in his room. Unfortunately, Fate had decided otherwise. Curse Fate.  
  
He leaped on to the wall, crashed into his own face, and became unconscious, all in one fluid moment. Holly Short instantly appeared on the scene. She smiled serenely. She had, of course, deliberately made the wall look a meter farther away than it actually was, which caused Artemis to go bang! She wasn't sorry at all. It was just so much fun to torture him.  
  
Fowl Mansion:  
  
"Inject the sodium penthol. Perhaps then she'll tell me where my son has gone." A dark voice said near the beginning of the creaky staircase that led upstairs. "Yes, of course, right away, Your Richness." Whispered a servile sounding voice. There was a sound of liquid sloshing, a female's small squeak of pain, and then a dull voice speaking.  
  
"Arty had an idea about fairies.."  
  
Soo. How do you like it? Complaints? REVIEW! You have a right to your own opinion, and to express it. If I get to around 35 reviews, e-mail me and I will install a dramatic installment of myself getting an Emmy! * ____^  
  
Thanx,  
  
Trisani  
  
P.S. Thanx to all the great people who reviewed B4. 


	8. Training

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, and I'm not making money from it. If someone has been telling you I do, it's probably my sister; don't pay attention to her.  
  
Darn! No one has reviewed, except that weird lady with the kid who likes Cheese Whiz, and the boy who thinks the government is made out of cookie dough. Thanx, and PLEASE REVIEW AGAIN!  
  
Training:  
  
LEPrecon HQ, South Field:  
  
"Drop down and give me twenty! If you can't, just groan." That was the first thing Artemis heard when he woke up. He groaned, and merely rolled over. This had to be a nightmare, albeit a very true-to-life one. He felt something boot him in the back. Aggravated, he rolled back and stared up. The Commander was standing over him.  
  
"Have a headache, Fowl?" smirked Root. (Bet you all thought it was Holly, huh? o__0) Dressed in his most formal looking uniform, with all the acorn medals he had acquired hanging heavily off its silk and velvet cuffs, he looked taller and more intimidating. Of course, it didn't really help the effects with a Mud Boy in the middle of a growth spurt standing beside him.  
  
Artemis hastily stood up, and tried to assume a debonair pose while carefully brushing his clothes off. Ugh, what a mess. His expensive clothes were soiled to the point of extinction. And they were Armani, too. "Of course, Commander." He said indifferently. "You would too if you hit a brick wall on the head, at full throttle speed, and I have no doubt you possess that knowledge."  
  
The senior officer's complexion reddened briskly, and Artemis suddenly became very interested in flecking the mud off his pants, cursing in words that impressed Root very slightly. But it irked him to realize how easily insulted he had been. He had to fix that some time. First the embarrassment over Vinyaya, now an insult from Fowl. Between those two, it was enough to make a man lose his touch, and drop down in rank.  
  
He quickly forgot that as he remembered the custom of punishment for disrespect to senior officers. Root gleefully imagined a sweaty and somehow, punier Fowl begging for release. Oh, yes, now he finally understood why Commander Short liked teasing Mud Boys so much. It was simply so addicting after the first dose.  
  
"DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME FIFTY, FOWL! ! !"  
  
Operation Booth:  
  
Butler stared, entranced, at the plasma screen as if he were hypnotized. Playing on the screen was his second greatest fear, having to watch Master Artemis do things requiring physical strength, and he wasn't there to help. It was enough to make a man kill himself, or at least smash a plasma screen. Which he did, with great enthusiasm and vigor.  
  
What he learned at his cost, and Commander Root's before him, was that plasma screens go hot with extreme use. And this particular one had been on for several weeks already. But Butler didn't know that. Worst of all, the plasma screen seemed punch-proof. His large fist, with its sharp knuckles, bounced off, coming back to him with a temperature of 70 C. Naturally, Butler did the logical thing after that.  
  
"Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ouch!" he yelped, hopping, for some strange reason, on one foot. He attempted to blow on the afflicted portion. Unfortunately it wasn't burnt, so this had no effect whatsoever, except to cause Butler to run out of breath sooner than if he'd simply remained calm and put his hand in a bucket of ice-cold water. Which is what he did. Eventually.  
  
Foaly's grin was getting wider and wider with each of Butler's yelps, strangely enough. When the annoyed Butler finally threw out all the curses he knew, Foaly leaped up with a blissful expression on his face. "Computer!" he called, or, rather, cackled. "Beta two-oh-six-two! Then, Alpha six-three-oh." At first, nothing happened. Butler turned to look at Foaly menacingly. He had heard what the centaur had said, and while he had no idea what it meant, he was sure that it wasn't good for him.  
  
He was attempting to throttle the centaur, when a giant mechanical hand scooped him up. In his surprise, he dropped Foaly, who desperately tried to breathe. He was immediately kicked out of the Operations Booth by a mechanical foot. "And, stay out!" boomed a giant mechanical mouth, with enormous lips and a disgustingly moist looking tongue.  
  
There was a voice, Foaly's, on the intercom instantly. "Tell Holly you used over a hundred different swearwords, and that I let you out on that. Also tell her that she is a-" Here, the centaur lapsed into profanity. "Further more, NEVER COME NEAR MY OFFICE AGAIN!" There was the sound of a door slamming, and the message was cut off.  
  
Butler was ever so slightly insulted. "Your booth could do with a renovation anyway." He muttered rebelliously, beginning to jog away to find Master Artemis. And, from far away, he thought he could hear an "I heard that!"  
  
Training Field, South:  
  
"That was a stinker, Private Fowl, a stinker!" yelled Commander Root. "Do ten more, and do 'em fast!" As the mutinous youth continued cursing under his breath while doing his sit-ups, Root hid a smile from the young boy. He hadn't had so much fun with giving exercises ever since Holly- er Commander Short had become a Commander.  
  
Artemis was feeling irritated, which wasn't unusual, considering his impatient nature. But he was, even more so than usual. With infuriation chewing at his nerves from all directions, he feverently hoped that Butler would get to him soon. Watching the Commander munch on doughnuts with his mouth open was the most disgusting sight he'd ever seen.  
  
Somewhere, lost in the LEP hallways . . . .  
  
Butler kept on jogging. It had been half an hour. How come he wasn't out yet? 'Hang on, Master Artemis,' he thought loyally, ' I'll get to you, as soon as I find a hell-ridden map to tell me where I am!'  
  
Operation Booth:  
  
Foaly chuckled. His latest invention, re-arranging hallways, were very useful for confusing Mud Men in the wrong place. Instead of sending Butler away from the Operations Booth, his machine was changing the way the hallways pieced together, to send him back TO the Operations Booth.  
  
'This way, Holly won't be able to say I'm breaking my promise to keep him busy for as long as possible.' He thought rebelliously. He wasn't at all worried about his fellow fairies. When he had first installed the moving hallways, he had also designed an interactive map, to change whenever he changed the hallways. They would respond perfectly, because, after all, they had been invented by him, hadn't they?  
  
Outside E1, Tara:  
  
The man with the iron leg gazed blandly and dispassionately at the old oak tree. It didn't seem unusual. But when he put out a hand to touch it, it melted before his fingers to reveal . . .  
  
An unused cave, with no form of life in it whatsoever. The entrance to the Underground.  
  
Whadaya think? Well? REVIEW!!! 


	9. Alarm

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except, hey, I don't even own anything! Shoot!  
  
Thanx to Isis the Artemis fan, Kyra_Moonshine, and Princess Karita! I really needed that confidence boost. And, Kyra, what's with the secret weapon? I'm not a government official. *looks fearfully behind self*  
  
Alarm:  
  
LEP Hallways:  
  
Butler was getting incredibly tired of running with no one to ask directions from. The empty halls could get lonely after a while, especially with no complaining Artemis to take care of. That was his job, and he liked it. Having to catch punches from maniacal fairies. Having to grab caviar from the kitchen, because Artemis felt peckish. Having to help Artemis train himself, and find his chi. Without that certain part of his life, he felt . . . incomplete.  
  
Someone came out of the hallway intersection, and Butler nearly crashed into her. "S- Sorry." He stuttered, as an angry looking Holly Short levitated above him, holding a Neutrino 3000. It wouldn't do to antagonize a person who could get him out of these damn hallways. Then again, it would do to antagonize the person who had made Master Artemis do pushups, and situps. Then again, Commander had done that.  
  
Then he noticed one thing. Her buzz baton wasn't aimed at him. Neither was her angry glare. They were all coming from behind him. For him, she had reserved some particularly painful kicks, in particularly painful spots. "So." She muttered under her breath. "You've turned traitor, Butler. Led the Mud Men down here like so many nestlings to a home. You'll see. Fairykind doesn't fall as easily as that." Butler turned to deny it, to say that he was no mercenary. But a final kick, to his head, sent his consciousness spinning into darkness.  
  
"You are mercenaries from the surface of the earth. We of fairykind have no dealings with you. You have no dealings with us. Why have you come down to attack us?" Holly asked. She hated that speech, but, according to the Book, it was standard procedure when great lumping Mud Men came down to kill you. It worked especially well when the Mud Men were mercenaries.  
  
One man limped out from behind the others. His face was grizzled with scars and heavy bruises, and he wore a metal leg. But his voice rang out clear in the silent hallways, and it was obvious that he was the leader of their little band. "Hello, fairy." He said evenly, "I have a feeling we have met before." Holly tried to distinguish him from the melted blob of images that was her memory.  
  
And suddenly, it all pieced together. A man who clutched desperately at her body as she attempted to pull him out of the water. Commander Root yelling commands that were sounded out by Holly, who needed to concentrate. The Golden Acorn award, and the lapel of Commander, all because she had saved a life, though a Mud Man. She suddenly felt dizzy.  
  
To herself, she swore. "D'Arvit! The memory wipe didn't take." She tried to swear quietly, but the Mud Man heard her anyway. "Yes, the memory wipes didn't take." He said, smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, which remained a frosty blue color. Irreverently, Holly found herself thinking that Artemis must have gotten his eyes from his father. "So, you are. . ."  
  
"Yes. I am Artemis' father." He smiled again, but this time, it wasn't a smile at all. It was more of a twisted and painful smirk. He gestured behind him at his men. "Tie her up. Knock her out if you have to. We don't need a scratching wildcat to haul back to the surface." "But, Boss. If you don't need the wildcat, why are you taking her back?" Artemis Senior smiled tightly. "I need a guarantee that my son won't fight when I come for him, and I have memories of these two. Rescuing me."  
  
He knelt down to croon mockingly at Holly. "Any regrets rescuing me now, fairy?" he spat at her. She ducked and spat at him as well. It caught him in the face. He hissed in fury. Standing up, he made a small gesture with his two fingers. Immediately, Holly felt another tranquilizer bite into her neck. Her last thoughts seemed to spin through her head, which were "Why didn't I realize? Realize? Realize? . . . . ."  
  
Operation Booth:  
  
Foaly stared at the mini soap opera on the screens, half- unbelieving. It didn't help where the hypodermic needle got Holly. "Come on, Short!" he nearly yelled. "Can't you see it?" It became obvious that she couldn't hear him when her head twirled dazedly, and sank down.  
  
He had to alert everyone, but how? Then it hit him, and he cursed himself for an idiot. Gnommish! Then, he remembered that the little Mud Boy, Fowl, understood Gnommish as well. Foaly sweated heavily, and began praying to the Acorn that the sayings weren't true, and that father was nothing like son.  
  
South Field: In Training:  
  
"Attention! Attention!" The first burst was English, then it burst into a babble of Gnommish that even Artemis found a bit hard to follow, though he could catch a hint of "Mud Man's Father. . Coming. . Destroy. . LEP. ." Apparently, though, even if Artemis couldn't understand it, the fairies could. Several pounced on him, and began beating him up, and he was actually thankful to Commander Root for making him practice his punches on walls, and, for once in his life, he fought back.  
  
He had barely begun (and received several bruises, and two black eyes) when a strong, purpled hand hauled him up, and he was staring into the flaming pitted eyes of Commander Root. "Alright, Mud Boy. Tell me that you had nothing to do with this, and I'll punch you." One of the boys looked confused, then asked the Commander: "Wouldn't it be OR I'll punch you, with all due respect, sir?"  
  
Commander Root rolled his eyes. "Alright." He retorted, feigning a calmness that he didn't feel. "Tell me you had nothing to do with this fiasco OR I'll punch you, Fowl." He glared at the junior officers. "Is that all right, then?" he demanded. They nodded, and skipped away. (Yes, they really skipped!) Artemis cleared his voice, and spoke. "I assure you, Commander, I had absolutely nothing to do with this."  
  
"Is that right?" asked the commander grimly. Artemis gave a cursory but curt nod. Commander Root punched him anyway. The way things were going, he needed a little amusement to keep him busy. Surely no one could blame him for that?  
  
Well, well, well. No action whatsoever, just a lot of talking. Next chapter will be better, I hope, but you'll have to wait a while. My alter-egos and I are going camping! 


	10. Insanity

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the mosquito bites I received while camping. Darn it!  
  
O.K. Too many reviews, guys! :- I'm so pleased! Keep up the good work, and I'll keep writing and never go camping again, and thanx to Kathy Lu, Silver_Dragoness, freaky girl, Princess Karita, KittleKat798, Hermione Weasley, Stardust Firebolt, Da-xia Nariko, and, of course, Zoe O' Riley. Especially Zoe and Stardust who have reviewed more times than I can count, basically 'cause I can't count past eight. But thanx, guys!  
  
And now, here's the chapter you have all been waiting for!  
  
Insanity:  
  
Holly groaned as she woke up. She had a splitting headache. "Geh meh coghee nogh.!" She croaked wearily. She shook her head. That was twice in a decade that she had said something not even worthy of a drunken gnome. She swallowed, her mouth full of what seemed like ashes, before she realized it was her tongue, and tried again. "Get me a coffee now!" she said in English. There, that was a bit better.  
  
She tried to sit up to look at her surroundings but iron chains, which in turn, were bound to a giant wooden board that she was lying on, bound her arms. Not to mention, her favorite NEW Neutrino 3000 was gone. She cursed. "D' Arvit!" she said, and continued by using words in English that would have shocked even the R movie actors. She slapped the right side of her head to activate the READ 3000. She needed to examine the thoughts of the people in this dank and dark dungeon.  
  
She closed her eyes to concentrate. Her eyes snapped open. "Butler, that traitor, let me get his hands on his overly thick neck, I'll strangle it . . ." she continued in this strain for half an hour before she remembered that LEP officers were supposed to maintain full dignity at all times. And this was no time for petty grudges. If Butler was down here, and he had as much loyalty to Artemis as he claimed, he would help her get out of this. . This. . place!  
  
"Butler!" she hissed irritably. There was a grunt to her right. She painfully turned to face what seemed like a gorilla shackled to the walls of a modernized Bastille, (very famous French prison) before she realized it was wearing Butler's uniform. "Butler!" she snapped again. He couldn't help her while chained to the wall, but maybe he could think of something, The manservant groaned and turned away from her. Loud snores came from him, proving that he was indeed asleep.  
  
Holly grinned wolfishly. It was not a grin you wanted to get on the bad side of. Especially since she had one more trick up her sleeve. "Atten- HUT, Private Butler!" Even in his sleep, Butler automatically jumped to attention, and took a step forward. Unfortunately, he was facing the wall already, nose to stone.  
  
Butler's eyes flew open. He had felt his nose crack. 'Bumping your nose into stonewalls tended to do that.' he chided himself. Next time, if there were a next time, he would give himself fifty laps around the gymnasium. He turned around to catch a smirking Commander Short.  
  
It would have looked terribly scary, had it not been ruined by the effects of herself being chained to a giant table. "Commander." He spoke softly. People who thought that soft-spoken words were better would've frozen at his tone of voice. "Commander," he said again. Holly immediately understood what he was asking for, and she shook her head. "No, Mud Ma- Butler. Artemis is not here."  
  
Butler aimlessly glanced up, wondering what his charge was up to.  
  
Somewhere white. . :  
  
Artemis sat up, his memories fuzzy. He remembered dodging several angry punches, and receiving more than he lost. Then, a giant purple hand . . . . Then, darkness . . He looked around for signs of where he was now. There wasn't much. It was a completely white washed room with no furniture whatsoever, except the tiny white cot Artemis was lying on.  
  
There were no doors, or windows, just an eternal brightness. Then, he sensed a presence in the room with him. His nostrils flared angrily and he spun around to see who it was. It was actually as blank as everything else, but he could still see that it was there. 'The LEP is under attack. There is a Mud Man who looks like you. Do you know who he is?' The voice was sleepy, with an undercurrent of anger just below the surface. "Father." Breathed Artemis.  
  
He refused to scream as dark memories submerged him, memories that had nothing to do with the kind father he remembered, and, yet, everything. Refused to scream, and then fell without a sound, into memories.  
  
LEP Operations Booth:  
  
"Do we really have to do this?" was all Foaly could say. Root shot him a look. "Of course not, Foaly." He said in a false, cheerful voice. "We could wait for an explanation AFTER THE VIOLENT MUD MAN DESTROYS HAVEN!" "Still, it is cruel, a bit."  
  
Root was impatient. "I've lost one of my best officers, while you're busy pitying the Mud Boy. Holly's in possible danger, Foaly! We can't let a nightmare-haunted Mud Boy stop us from rescuing her."  
  
Foaly had to smirk, despite the grim circumstances. "My, aren't we eager to play the hero." He teased his companion, who grew redder every second. "Could it be, that our leader Root has a soft spot for-" "DON'T SAY IT!" Root exploded. "Foaly, one more word out of you, and it's pay docking time." Foaly quickly shut up.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"Father!" A young boy ran up the marble staircases eagerly searching for his father. He almost ran into his father's bodyguard. The elder Butler glared contemptuously down at five-year-old Artemis. "I see you've tracked mud into the house again, child." Artemis immediately felt self-conscious. "I was only going to show my father the butterfly I caught." He opened up his hand to reveal a large monarch, still alive and fluttery.  
  
Butler Sr. set it gently in his hand, where the insect nestled trustingly. In one fluid movement, his hand closed, crushing the butterfly, and when it opened again, there was nothing but a mash of powder, which he tossed onto the clean floor. Artemis' eyes filled with tears. The manservant glanced down. "Don't cry." He snapped, and struck Artemis on his right cheek. "Crying is for useless people, not for the strong, though you are not strong, and never will be."  
  
He spun on his heel and walked away, leaving Artemis alone with his crushed bug. He sank slowly to the floor, but his glistening eyes never showed tears. "Crying is for the weak." He whispered softly. "Crying is for the weak, and I will be strong."  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
Looking back, Artemis realized that he had never really known his father, only at dinner and holidays did they see each other, and barely spoke then. He had just simply taken it for granted that his father was a nice man, and kind and generous.  
  
But there was no time for contemplation. He quickly sank into other memories, though, for the first time in seven years, tears glimmered in his eyes.  
  
Outside, in Haven:  
  
"Come!" snapped the man with the iron leg. A pretty girl followed him mindlessly, chained to him as she was, mumbling things about Arty. He seemingly thrived in the violence around him, for he drank it all in, and grew stronger.  
  
"It is almost time . . ." 


	11. Trapped

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I hate this thing, because it reminds me that Eoin Colfer invented it all!  
  
O.K. *appears on spot with an Emmy* First of all, I'd like to thank Kitty Rainbow, Jiana Weasley, Kyra of the Cupcake, Rose-of-Eternity and Stardust Firebolt.  
  
To Kitty: No, my new fic won't be on for a while, because the stories characters escaped from my fanfiction prison, and I have to spend more time trying to get them back. o__0 And because I know a lot of people would kill me for leaving this at a cliffhanger. *glares pointedly at Stardust*  
  
Jiana Weasley: Thank you, oh great newcomer for gracing my story with your reviews!!  
  
Kyra: I HAPPEN TO LIKE THE EVILNESS OF THE FATHER!!! And besides, with no evilness, there would be no story. ^ ___ ^  
  
Rose-of -Eternity: You do get around, don't you? What's with the peach flavored candy talk you gave my poems?!  
  
As for Stardust: *grabs her, ties her up, and sets her near computer, where she can read every word that is typed.* *grins* Hope you like your new arrangements!  
  
Someday, after I finish this, I'm gonna make this story longer. *grins* Then I can make you all feel pain of waiting AGAIN!  
  
Lucy: OK. We know. Quit threatening the readers!  
  
Selene: Where DOES she get all the Chocolate?!  
  
Lucy: Look! Her Emmy is a chocolate wrapped in gold!  
  
Selene: *rolls eyes*  
  
Trapped: Somewhere in the LEP corridors:  
  
The man with the iron leg (I hope all you people out there know by now that he's Artemis' father!!) stormed through the corridors. It was very frustrating for him to have gone through everything for two hours, and found no sign of Artemis anywhere. Juliet's mumblings had gotten on his nerves as well; though she was indubitably the prettiest sixteen year old he had ever seen.  
  
When he got to Artemis, he would send the boy back to school, preferably in Timbuktu. The boy was too dangerous to keep around, and eventually he just might figure it out. Just barely. He quickly reassured himself. It had taken years to plan this, and he was one of the best. This could not happen. It simply couldn't.  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
Once again, Root switched the hallways around, sending them back near the entrance, and being very careful not to let them near Artemis' room. Watching him on the screen, Root could've almost pitied him. Almost. But the boy had originally been responsible for Holly- er, Commander Short's near demise. It was only poetic justice that he should be the one they extracted the memories from. And if he happened to run into a few childhood nightmares, well, that was his problem.  
  
"Commander!" An exuberant yell from Foaly made Root glance up. "Shhhh!" he hissed. "We're under a shield, and that means no one can see us. They're going to be VERY suspicious if there are screams coming from nowhere!" "That was a yell, Julius." Said Foaly, unperturbed. "And don't call me Julius!" snapped the commander. "Now what was the news you couldn't wait to tell me about?"  
  
"Well, at this stage of the regression period, his ultra-genetical radiation waves should-" "Leave the science to the scientists, Foaly, and just tell me the gist of it." Interrupted the commander. "We don't have much time left." "Yes, sir!" muttered the centaur, thinking longingly of the many sarcastic comments he'd've liked to retort with. Just as he opened his mouth, the door crashed down, and in swarmed many mercenaries.  
  
Root was knocked unconscious immediately, caught without his Neutrino as he was. Foaly fought back for a while, stomping most of them into the ground. Then, he felt an ivory hunter's tranquilizer dart bite into his neck. A tiny sting, and it was over. Foaly slumped to the floor.  
  
Somewhere near Artemis' room:  
  
Artemis Senior sighed in relief as the corridors stopped moving. (What, you thought he was so stupid, he couldn't detect it?) Now, he had a good idea where Artemis was. After walking for five minutes, he turned towards a door marked "Mud Boy's Room, DO NOT DISTURB".  
  
Inside, he found Artemis, lying on the floor, even paler than usual, paler than ice. Juliet, even though she was heavily drugged to be docile and silent, gave a cry and knelt down beside her brother's charge, where she spent five dangerous but silent seconds glaring at Artemis' father.  
  
He merely snorted. "I always thought he was a bit weak." He said softly. "Must remember to be a little more careful with the next model." Juliet was still defiant. "Like, how? I'm going to, like, kill that, like, tacky lab that you always, like, talked about." Her chin was high and jutting. Artemis' father bent down, and flicked one of her pressure points. Her eyes rolled into her head and she fainted.  
  
Then, he slung Artemis over his shoulder. Something jangled slightly, but just loud enough for Artemis Senior to notice. He picked up the coin cam delicately with two fingers. He smiled at it beatifically. Then his smile turned nasty. "As if I'd fall for that old trick." His experienced hands crushed it, leaving nothing but dust. Dust, and a tiny speck, that was a camera's remains.  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
"Nooooo!" Foaly had woken up, just in time to see the Mud Man destroy what he finally recognized as his first memoir of a victory against Opal Koboi. His beautiful coin cam. He broke down sobbing theatrically.  
  
Howler's Peak:  
  
Opal Koboi ignored the hoots and jeers of the goblins next door, and concentrated instead on the wall. Very boring, if they hadn't forgotten that the saying "a glare that could bore through a wall" originated from the pixies, who could glare through a wall. Opal Koboi's family line had been occasionally diluted with elf blood, and, once, the odd Mud Man. Ugh. It had taken her months to get this far, and she was so close, so close . . .  
  
Slam! The wall fell, and smashed into tiny pieces. Opal stepped delicately out of her longtime prison, and mentally bid fare-badly to all of her unwanted goblin neighbors. Her wings, unused to such freedom, fluttered gently before humming strongly, back to normal. Opal jumped into the sky, searching for her first victim, Foaly.  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
The alarm sounded, breaking through Foaly's extremely fake sobs. Root was glad of it. What with all the whining, he had a major headache. Foaly stopped. "Computer, specify alarm." The computer ground for a while before responding in Opal Koboi's voice. "Opal Koboi released from prison. Heading towards Haven. Mulch Diggums, tunneling towards LEP treasure funds. Capture required. Set Capture in motion?"  
  
"Yes." Said Foaly firmly. The computer whirred, and then said, "Capture set in motion. And," it added sweetly, "I love you, Foaly." Root, who had just set himself on a stool, immediately toppled off. There was a crash. "Foaly," he said shakily, when he had picked himself up. "Why did your computer say that?" Foaly mumbled several things, none of them intelligible. Then, "I programmed it."  
  
Root was preparing to sing "Foaly has a crush on Koboi." when suddenly Foaly added slyly, "Now we're even. Or should I tell someone that a certain commander named Julius has a soft spot for another certain-" "O.K., Ok," said Root. "I don't think anyone needs to know that." "We need Opal Koboi anyway." Said Foaly, returning to serious. Then added smugly, "For something you wouldn't be able to understand."  
  
Well! That was certainly interesting. If you like, you can review! 


	12. Explanations

Escapes:  
  
Disclaimer: I LOVE Artemis Fowl, so I must set him free. ^__*!!! Just kidding. I don't own him, even if I wanted to.  
  
Oh, guys, I love you! (except for Sherry, whom I know personally, and will give a proper thrashing.) You guys are great for reviewing me! Thanks for all the patience, I don't think you'll like this chapter though.. This explains why his father has been so completely evil, and I'm sorry to all you people who don't like this.  
  
I'm sorry for the people who think this Artemis is out of character, but it's the best I can do.  
  
So this is entitled:  
  
Explanations:  
  
Fowl Mansion:  
  
Artemis' eyes flew open. He refused to groan, to have the people at the cameras take pity on him. Then, he realized that he wasn't there at all. He wasn't in the white room. Joy flooded through him like a giant wave of relief, and he stood up to inspect his surroundings more carefully. The ceiling spun in his eyes, and he dazedly lurched and threw up in a conveniently placed bin.  
  
Feeling decidedly worse, but at least not throwing up, he took a look at his surroundings, and almost groaned at the irony. Last year, Commander Short was a prisoner in Fowl mansion because of Artemis, now, Artemis was a prisoner in the same room, because of fairies. Well, perhaps not completely because of fairies, but still.  
  
He gave a few experimental pounds on the door. No answer. Well, at least that had been what he had predicted. Where was Butler? What was Artemis paying him for anyway? Artemis sighed as he contemplated several ideas, all of them requiring a teen of normal physical strength. Being in front of his beloved computer for so many years had reduced chances of a buff physique, so those plans would never work.  
  
"Father!" he called impatiently, banging on the door again. "Father!" Within minutes, footsteps sounded outside in the corridors, and the door opened. "How did you know it was I who was dastardly enough to do this deed?" his father managed sarcastically. Artemis yawned. "Spare me your antics, Butler Senior. You drowned my father, didn't you." It was more of a statement than a question. The elder Butler sighed, his true form identified, but not dejectedly. "You always were a smart one, Arty." The nickname held contempt and scorn.  
  
"You could never understand being born to a world of politics, Artemis. It is more intriguing than anything you could have ever dreamed. Your father was only one of many men drawn in to criminal activity. He was a good man, but he was hard-hearted." the older man began, before Artemis interrupted him, his eyebrows raised and disdainful.  
  
"Save your speech for others. The other body was the extra, wasn't it?" Artemis questioned him, his eyes bright and hard. The elder made feeble noises, his bloodshot eyes flashing with annoyance. Finally he replied to Artemis' persistent questioning. Artemis sat, his back to the door, listening intently, completely absorbed by the older man and his wide gestures, stopping him once in a while by injecting a sarcastic comment.  
  
He was so absolutely attentive, that he never realized someone had put a gun barrel to his head until they kicked him right off the bed, onto the floor. The older manservant stood over him and sneered at him. "You thought you would get away with all that information. Wrong, for the first time, eh, Arty?" The dirty rag that was shoved over his mouth, until he breathed in fumes that sent him to a drugged sleep, muffled Artemis' response. His last conscious and sensible thought was "This isn't even silk!"  
  
Operations Booth:  
  
It was getting to be an incredibly busy day, thought Foaly. First, Fowl was kidnapped from the LEP and, though they certainly didn't want him back, Root was genuinely worried about him, as much as he wouldn't admit it, and he himself had been drugged, and woken up, and Root had discovered his hidden corner, full of pictures of Opal Koboi, and magazine ads advertising "the pixie with the golden touch".  
  
Strangely enough, the best and worst part of the day was just then, when a 18-inch pixie flew at his throat and began choking him. The best part was that it was Opal Koboi. The worst was that he suspected that when he died, or she ran out of energy, she would see his photos of her, all of which the commander was still sorting through, while watching them like it was a movie, complete with popcorn, nearly the only thing that the commander considered useful that was made by Mud Men. He sincerely hoped that she would only tear them, and not burn them.  
  
His oxygen starting to become dangerously scarce, he choked out a "Julius." The commander looked up from a picture of an Opal in a nightgown that Foaly had waited all night to snap a picture of. "Oh, Foaly, what? You're only being choked to death, that's hardly a reason to call for me." His eyes glazed, he went back to poring over all the fascinating pictures of Opal.  
  
Suddenly, the fact that Foaly was being murdered seemed to sink in, and he rushed to.. Help Opal? "Julius! You're supposed to SAVE me, not KILL me!" snapped an extremely indignant centaur, who seemed to have forgotten all about his lack of oxygen. Root sighed. "I'm trying to make it even." He explained calmly. "I'm sure you can't hold yourself against an eighteen inch PIXIE who hasn't eaten well in months!" "Oh," said Foaly, for once at a loss for words.  
  
Annoyed, he quickly removed the straining hands from his throat pipe and tossed her in the corner. Opal screamed in dismay, and launched again. And again. And again. Every time bore the same results. Finally, she retreated to a corner, and sat there, sulking.  
  
Root sighed heavily. This was just not his day. "Look," he said. "Foaly has a plan, and we'll need you, Koboi. Help us, and we'll let you attempt to kill Foaly, with the weapon of your choice." A queer gleam shot into her eyes. "ANY weapon?" she asked, deceptively calm. Root sighed.  
  
"Yes." He said. "Any weapon."  
  
REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! 


	13. Collaberation

Escapes:  
  
Bah. . Unlucky day! Unlucky chapter! It all comes together. A great many thanks to Da-xia Nariko, Isis, Hermione Weasley, Liviania, Artemis Fowl the Second, Stardust Firebolt, Illyeari 'Blue' Tempest, Blue Yeti, and Kitty Rainbow, who are my lovely reviewers. *muah muah*  
  
OK, more Artemis bashing. This is not a chapter where Artemis gets to look dignified. This is a chapter where . . . *Listens to yelling coming from dungeons*. Never mind, you'll find out. Foaly gets bashed too, and Root gets more popcorn from his secret popcorn stash. Oh yeah, and Opal attempts to murder Foaly. Also, this is the first time Foaly comes up with a dumb idea.  
  
Collaboration:  
  
Never had Artemis Fowl ever been in a truly embarrassing situation. Well, actually, there was that one time when his mother had brought his baby pictures to school, but that was a different story. He had experience in many things, but one thing he never knew about was how painful it was to hang by your toes off the dungeon walls. He winced. His feet hurt, and he had been imprisoned for several hours now. He looked up. His toes were bound by metal cuffs, which, in turn, were connected to the metal chain that hung down to the floor, and was kept there by a switch.  
  
And it was the first time he had ever been able to get to sleep without silk covered, swan down pillows. Of course, he hadn't been awake for a while, so it was merely an assumption. He sighed. It was probably the first time that Artemis Fowl had ever wanted company.  
  
"Fowl." His head snapped up. Butler Senior would never call him Fowl. Idiot, naïve, perhaps, and he admitted to a very small extent that they might have been right, but never Fowl. And the voice was distinctly female, in a familiar way. He looked to his left, where the voice had come from.  
  
Commander Holly Short emerged slowly from the shadows, Butler at her side. "Well, well, well, Fowl. Quite a change in situation, isn't it?" gloated a smirking Holly. Artemis was unamused. "Quite." He said, forcing a level of cheerfulness into his voice. It came out high and squeaky. He raised his head and met her eyes squarely. "You are in chains. Either that, or attached to a particularly flat board."  
  
Holly's eyes didn't change, and gave away nothing of her expression. "How did you guess that?" she asked, eyebrows raised. Artemis yawned, but couldn't assume the usual careless expression, as he was hanging upside down, completely tied from head to toe. "The unnatural placement of your arms. The rigidity of which you moved with. Your lost Neutrino 3000." He said, looking bored. "And the fact that you blame me for all this, and weren't beating my head off." He added as an afterthought.  
  
Holly shook her head. "Enough with the theatrics, Fowl." Her voice and face, normally pretty to an acceptable standard, hardened. "Tell us how to get out of the dungeon." Butler, who was used to being silent, as his job as Butler for Artemis had never really provided him with many conversation opportunities, interrupted. "He is hanging from the walls and you want him to tell you how to get out because you think he betrayed you?" asked the bodyguard incredulously, his first show of emotion since his long ago days of the Academy.  
  
Holly ignored Butler. "Do you know what this is, Fowl?" she asked Artemis, and pulled on a long, slender coil of metal links. Artemis groaned in anticipation of the waiting pain that would come soon. He was not disappointed. Holly's foot came into contact with the switch, and it turned on. The pulley that kept Artemis suspended seven feet above the ground reversed, and sent the young criminal mastermind crashing to the floor.  
  
He mumbled several things, all of them sounding incredibly obscene. Holly raised her eyebrows. "Really, Mu- I mean Artemis. Such language." She tutted at him, and he threw a freezing glare. "Come on." He gestured, and led the way out of the dungeon. "Ahem." She cleared her throat. He turned back, and finally noticed. "All right. We'll go find weapons first to cut you free from that ridiculous board." He raised his eyebrows disdainfully. "Don't know how you got yourself into such a situation."  
  
When they stepped outside, the light struck their eyes hard, and for a moment, they couldn't see. A moment that was not easily wasted, as a guard immediately noticed them. "Prisoners out! Prisoners broke out!" he called. Immediately, he seemed to multiply forms, as ten more guard appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. "Run." Advised Butler. Artemis obeyed, quickly, rather unusual for him, as he obeyed usually only with great annoyance. But this time, it sounded like an incredibly good idea. Blindly, he ran, a firm hand unconsciously dragging an irritated Holly after him.  
  
LEP HQ:  
  
"Ok, so the plan is, blackout the area in the front of the building, so that the guards will remove their sunglasses, if they have them. We don't know if Fowl has given anything to them, so we have to act like he did. Blackout, so they'll remove the sunglasses, then use the mesmer. We'll have Opal- er, Criminal Koboi watch and scout for us. In return, she will be allowed to attempt to kill me. Is that clear?" Both Root, and Opal, both sitting on barrels, nodded.  
  
"But, then, why didn't we simply get Diggums to scout it out for us?" demanded Root, setting his nickname to work again. Foaly shrugged. "I thought Koboi was, ah, more suitable." He coughed loudly, to hint that Root wasn't to ask any more question about that sensitive area. The commander seemed to understand, and nodded.  
  
"Ok, if that's all," said Foaly, attempting to look heroic and grim. "Let's do it."  
  
Ok I know that was a short chapter, Okies, ppl? I will make the next one longer, and I will begin revision of all the chapters, make them more interesting, maybe. Watch for that!  
  
~Trisani 


	14. Breakout

First 3 Persons to review gets a snippet of the next chapter! So hope you're the first! ^__^ ~Trisani  
  
Sorry this is so late, I've been REALLY busy, but here's the next chapter. BTW, you can request certain *ahem* plot twists. I REALLY don't mind. ^___^  
  
Breakout:  
  
Down several twisty hallways in the Mansion:  
  
Artemis ran as fast as he could, striding quickly with his overly long legs, not really what he preferred doing. His hair (what color is it?) was stringy and messy, and dirty past recognition of what color it was originally, the result of a week's neglect. Nevertheless, it was necessary, if he was to escape some rather uncomfortable situations. Several of them probably involving himself, some chains, being hung upside down in a cold draft by his toes, and a pair of extremely hot tongs.  
  
Escaping the guards was also a good reason he was running. They were intent on the chase, their faces contorted and bright red, with good reason. Number one: Commander Short had repeatedly attempted to spit in their faces, and had had it land flat in the leader's face. He had turned even more red (possibly redder than Commander Root?) and had barked an unintelligible command to his crew. They had turned bright magenta (also darker than Commander Root) and went even faster than their captain.  
  
"Mud Boy! Fowl!" Holly sighed. Artemis hadn't been responding for the last couple minutes, hurtling so fast (well, as fast as a Mud Man could go without wings.) that she'd been mildly annoyed about the prospect of having her face smashed into a marble wall. Luckily, the Mud Boy turned out to have fairly good instincts, for all his lack of training. And riding on his back, calling out distracting commands for their pursuers to be misled by turned out to be enormous fun. Her hazel eyes glinted in the light, crazed by the possibility of a fight. From out of the blue, so absorbed was she in her Mud-Man bashing dreams; a door's sign caught her eye. She leaned in closer as they headed towards the door, almost past it. Nope, her eyesight wasn't mistaken.  
  
"In there!" she hissed at her ride, mentally giving directions to her READ 3000, and silently hoping that Mud Men IQ was still able to get transferred commands. You never knew with that insane race. After all, a race that would put toilets inside their own dwellings must have some kind of mental disability. Her mind shifted back to the subject of commands. She watched helplessly as the door slid by her. Holly didn't think at all about why she hadn't jumped off at that moment, and left Artemis by himself.  
  
He ducked down a hallway, but, unfortunately, the guards followed them. "Why does that always work in movies?" he asked mildly, then dashed down the hall, turned left three times, and ran into the room that Holly had been directing him to. He landed on his face, and Holly, who was completely unhurt by the ride, jumped up and locked the door, preventing anyone from entering.  
  
Meanwhile, Artemis lay down, propped himself up on one elbow, and surveyed the room as if he had not been running crazily for his life a minute ago. "Do you think she's OK?" he asked softly, to no one in particular. Holly stared at him. "Oh great." She thought, half sarcastically, half irritably. "I'm not only stuck with a TALL Mud Boy, I'm stuck with a DELUDED tall Mud Boy. What a day."  
  
"Heard that." Said Artemis lazily, turning over in one fluid movement to give her a glare. Holly stared at him again in disbelief. "How?" she demanded. "Don't tell me you have a READ 3000 too?" He stretched and waited until she was finished with her ranting. "Number one," he began, as if they had all the time in the world, "it was apparent on your face that you were fed up with something. Number two, you would never stare at me for that long without thinking something incredibly absurd and spiteful, and Number three, your READ 3000 was still on broadcasting commands. Oh, and I also heard the part about Mud Men, and their IQs. Believe me, Commander Short," here he smiled coldly, "some of my race is quite worth dealing with. And I was talking about my mother."  
  
Holly rolled her eyes. "She was cured, Mud Boy. Face up to the facts. She's a Mud Woman. She doesn't require your constant supervision." They remained viciously silent for a while, and then, suddenly, in a completely cliché way, the room began to shake. Holly hurriedly leapt up and strapped on some equipment, Artemis doing so as well, though most of them didn't fit him that well, and he hung them unstylishly on his arms, dangling like awkward bangles.  
  
Just then, the floor split open, and Holly and Artemis fell through, into a dark infinity. (You won't be hearing from them until the next chapter. Sorry, all those people whom I brought up to think they might actually have a conversation here. ^__^ Review, and maybe you'll get the right snippet that you want.)  
  
In front of the Mansion:  
  
"Foaly, you are probably the best mechanic that our section has had in a long time. And we've consulted you on everything, much to our benefit. But I refuse to walk out from this walk without my pants, as a target to lure the stupid Mud Men into the Koboi Gun's firing range!" Root was shouting. And with good reason, no doubt, thought Opal Koboi boredly. She would've been busy escaping at the time, but she was tied up and gagged. The tying up happened because she tried to run away. The gag happened because Commander Root was getting tired of all her suggestions for a plan, most of which was covered in scientific gibberish.  
  
"But Julius!" the centaur whinnied. "Nope." Said the commander irritably. "I refuse to remove my pants in the face of danger." "But I thought you said you weren't wearing your Mickey Mou-" "That's enough!" Root roared. "I'll do it." Foaly smiled slyly to himself. This misadventure had turned out to have good points after all. Now, at least, he knew who owned a pair of Mud Men Mickey Mouse boxers.  
  
Opal Koboi was having a hard time attempting to stifle her laughs. She was turning bright red, both from lack of oxygen due to the gag, and from laughing so hard. Root turned a rather horrendous shade of radish color, and was about to begin to tell her off, when Foaly noticed that his love was in danger of a Root-Explosion. "We'll have to remove that gag." He said. The Commander grumbled again. "Why? She was bad enough with the gag on. What do I have to-" the rest faded into grumbles, and Foaly himself hid a grin.  
  
Five minutes later:  
  
"I don't understand how I get talked into these things." Root grumbled miserably, as he walked out into the open. "Oh, well. I just hope they have a plan for after this." He shunted forwards hesitantly, step by careful step. If he hurried, those stupid guns that Mud Men wore might shoot him. He looked back, and immediately wished that he hadn't. The scene back there was bad enough to make Casanova look like it had been about science, and not mushy at all.  
  
The six guards posted at Fowl Mansion noticed the little man with no pants in the distance, and immediately reported him. Out of curiosity, if nothing else, they sent people to go check. Three guards came up, and attempted to grab him by the arms. Root sighed. This was the hard part. He shot, and missed. Shot again, and missed. Shot again, and missed. The Mud Men laughed uproariously, and got him. He flashed the signal at Foaly and Opal. They nodded, and vanished.  
  
Root, still pretending to fend off his attackers, found it getting harder and harder to, since the other three guards had since then, lost their patience with the amusing little man, and come to help their friends capture him. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bomb landed in their midst. Everyone was knocked out, including the guy who had had it landed on his head.  
  
The commander was suffering under its affects too, but slower. Inside the fragile bomb was a chemical that Mud Men reacted to by sleeping. Elves did too, but slower. Foaly was galloping over to him, and he was relieved. Foaly could catch him, and he suddenly felt so . . . so . . . sleepy . . . He fell just as Foaly came, and hit the ground, hard. Foaly darted past his body to go check the guards for useful weapons. He didn't come up with any. "Must be flunkies," he snorted, trying to look valiant for Opal. Root was suddenly very irritated with his heroism. "Give me a break." He snapped, stood up, clobbered Foaly over the head, and fell down, into a deep sleep again.  
  
You could say that he fell into a dark infinity.  
  
Oooh. That was AWFUL. Oh well. I'm sorry guys, but if I get enough reviews, I'll make it a little more humorous, I hope. I'm just not in the writing mood today, but I had to, because you guys might forget me. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I would name you all individually, but its 12:00 midnight, and I'm getting pretty sleepy. Night y'all.  
  
If its not long enough, you could complain about that too, as long as you REVIEW!! I'm almost at 100, help me actually GET THERE PLEASE!! Just eight more . . . 


	15. Remembrance

Escapes:  
  
Authors Note: Still Don't Own Artemis Fowl. And I'm sorry for those people, who wanted snippets, but I was too busy, and I'm not good at keeping promises. Right now, I'm busy constructing a shrine dedicated to everyone who has more than an average of 6 2/3 for their stories. Yes, slime frog and SHE-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, that means you.  
  
OK, now for the honoraries!!! Dedicated (not that you care) to: Pink-Cherry-Blossom, J Catz, Liviania, Artemis Fowl the Second, slime frog (your shrine won't be done for a while), and crazygirly007 (THANK YOU You were 99th in line), and of course, TWICE kittlekat798, who reviewed twice, and got me to 100 reviews. I don't wonder if she didn't know that I wasn't planning to post a new chapter until I got 100 reviews. Sorry for taking so long!  
  
UPDATE: ARG! This thing is taking me months to write! Writer's Block, writer's block! Or maybe I'll just change the chapters, make them longer . . . *laughs evilly* you guys deserve it! Oh, and thanks to Stardust Firebolt. Err-HEM! *Coughs with embarrassment* I didn't mean to have you catch me in a lack of reviews mood. Error detected!  
  
OK, after careful revision, I have discovered that some people don't get what happened, and why Butler Sr. appeared. Ok, for those that I have not been clear enough, I'll try to explain better in the story. If it still doesn't work out, umm. I'll put it in the author's note next time.  
  
Also, I've kind of lost my touch with Artemis. He refuses to be controlled, and won't do his lines properly. There probably isn't much humor in this chapter as there was before, and I'm sorry if you don't like that. Just, err, sorry.  
  
Remembrance:  
  
In a dark room:  
  
Artemis groaned as he woke up, apparently alone, in the white room of nightmares that had had him recall his father in such agonizingly accurate details. Or WAS that his father? He blinked, cold blue eyes widening ever so slightly, recent events rushing back into his genius mind. So what, exactly, was he doing back in the Nightmare Room, which just, perhaps coincidentally was Underground? Don't be so sarcastic, his conscience, which sounded suspiciously like his mother, tutted. Where in (possibly) hell was Holly? What was he doing back Underground?  
  
"Swearing again, Arty?" An amused voice said from near the doorway. He looked up, and up, and up . . . "Have you grown taller or something?" he asked, momentarily thrown off by his false father's height. Butler Sr. merely smirked. "How observant you are," said his manservant's uncle. "I've been re-testing my appearance-changing brews. As you can clearly see, they work rather well."  
  
"I doubt it." Yawned Artemis lazily, hastily covering his dignity again. "All they seem to do is make you taller, which only makes you more conspicuous, which wouldn't be a good idea, if you're planning to sell it on the black market. And I thought you had more tact than to start a conversation with bragging. Also, I didn't think that you came in here to discuss your products. Let's start at the beginning. Why am I back Underground?" But before Butler Sr. could say anything, his mind began to speak to him again, in the voice that he had long ago learned to trust as his instincts.  
  
Are you? His mind whispered conspiratorially. Look to the window. "What window-" began Artemis, looking annoyed that he was talking to himself again. Butler Sr. looked at him oddly, as if to say "Right, you're off your rocker then, but I need you to stay alive because otherwise your fairy friend might get me in trouble." Artemis ignored him and continued looking at the window. It was a simply carved window, with the usual glass in the windowpanes, and a slight ray of sunlight streaming through it. There was nothing special about it except . . . Sunlight that was it!  
  
"There is no sunlight Underground." He said, reasoning it out aloud. "I can't be Underground! Butler Senior, what kind of perverted test is this?" he asked, turning to the older man. But the older man had frozen like a badly made hologram, and Artemis looked at him quizzically, for once in his life confused.  
  
"What the-" he began to curse again, when suddenly the whole world turned upside down, and blurred before his eyes for a single second. It was enough. The world inverted and changed before his eyes, until he stood inside a completely different room, though still one that he remembered.  
  
It was filled with computer screens and highly specialized equipment, and one strange looking invention that looked as if it had been pulled out of a high-tech Frankenstein story. Artemis shuddered on seeing it, although he was no longer sure why he did that.  
  
It was empty at the moment, and seemed extremely dull, but Artemis wasn't fooled. He could almost remember the times he had spend in this very chamber, this chamber of horrors. It had been ghastly. He strained to recall why he thought so, strained to remember the many nightmares that had haunted him after he had stopped going to this place, strained to remember everything . . .  
  
He felt his tired legs buckling under him, felt the world turning to meet him, and felt his head connect to the metallic floor with a bang. Soon he was unconscious, dead to the world.  
  
(This part is supposed to have italics. How do you do them?!)  
  
**FLASHBACK**  
  
/ The metal cuffs bit into his hands, the same way the chain around his waist did, a cold tang of metallic flavor pierced through his mind, as he struggled to free enough of his hand to grab the key that was lying on the floor not too far away. He heard footsteps coming. Hastily, he moved uncomfortably against his chains, and was unappreciative of the fact that his father, the only man who could protect him from the lab, kept going away every week, just in time for the next lab session. Or maybe his father wanted him in the lab. The footfalls got closer and closer, echoing in the dank air of the dungeons. He knew it was merely a taunt; bait set for the obedient lab rat, yet he could not help reaching for it all the same.  
  
"Almost there . . ." he murmured encouragingly to himself, as he worked his bony hands free, ignoring the blood that trickled down his arms freely, uninhibited by signs of care such as band-aids. There! He dropped the handcuffs to the floor, where they echoed a metallic clang! Now if only his arms were long enough in the first place to reach the keys . . . They had calculated the distance for him to reach the keys carefully, so that occasionally, if he stretched hard enough, his fingers would brush against them.  
  
Then it struck him. "Of course, idiot!" he snapped to himself, and picked the handcuffs up again. He spun it wildly, but with carefully aimed precision, at the keys, and kept on pushing them towards the left, until finally, he was able to stretch and grab them. Just as his fingers closed around the cold iron of the ring of keys, a man entered.  
  
"Hello, Master Artemis." His voice was mocking, a parody of the respect a Butler was supposed to show his employer. "Back again for another taste of pain?"  
  
His words got through Artemis' skin. "You know perfectly well that I'm not here of my own accord. Every week, you WILL insist on sending two thugs to beat me up and bring me here. Frankly, I don't see the point anymore."  
  
The older man leered at him in a greedy sort of way, sort of the way a moneygrubber looks when he has been offered a million dollars. "Well, Master Artemis, we have to make it look convincing, don't we?" He replied evenly to Artemis' question. "I can't risk having you escape or something, although I doubt you will. If you run away, it would be a terrible ordeal for your mother, an ordeal from which she might not be able to survive." Here Artemis flinched, but Butler Sr. continued. "And your father would be sad, of course, so sad that he might waste away. Then, there wouldn't be anyone to inherit the Fowl Fortune, now would there?"  
  
"Except for you." Finished Artemis softly. Butler Senior nodded, mockingly understanding. "So you see, Artemis, until the lab ray finally works the way it's supposed to, I'm afraid I can't stop the sessions. And I don't think that you should run away, either. Adios, dear boy." He flipped the familiar and hated switch that had worn away the paint from being used so much. At first, only two volts jolted up Artemis' arm. Then, the power surges got stronger and stronger, stopping just short of killing him.  
  
A slightly smoking six-year-old Artemis was released from his chains by an automatic button that Butler Senior carried with him at all times. He was looked over, like he always was, by Butler Senior. But this time was unlike any of the other times. Butler Senior actually looked pleased, for once, which transformed his giant slab of a face, that Butler had luckily not gotten, into an even more nasty looking visage.  
  
"Perfection, at last . . ." he sighed. "Now I can begin testing appearances."/  
  
**END FLASHBACK**  
  
Artemis blinked. He was lying facedown in the Lab Room. He sat up and looked around. His body screamed in protest at the sudden return to the fight against gravity, but he ignored it as best he could. His vision, up to then still blurry with the sudden unconsciousness, suddenly kicked back in, and he saw something that made him immediately wish he hadn't remembered the lab room after all. It seemed too late.  
  
"Oh damn."  
  
************************************************************** ********  
  
Holly blinked, and sat up. She was still in the Weapon Room. But where was Artemis, the Mud Boy of the Moment? She tried to think back to what had happened. There had been much quaking, of the earth-shaking type, and then a hole had opened up through the floor. Now that she thought about it, it had probably been a trap. The hole was much too well cut to be an accident of an earthquake. And where was she now, anyway? She recalled falling through the hole, so why was she still in the room? There were too many things that just weren't adding up.  
  
"OK. Start with the basics, make sure nothing's rattled in there." She told herself, and started. "One plus one makes a window, two plus two makes five . . ." she trailed off, scowling. She was pretty sure that was right, but in that path had doubt. And the loud squawking noises outside the room helped distract her a bit too. Commander Holly Short frowned again. The squawking sounded vaguely familiar. And then it hit her. Whose voice was it that always raked her over the coals for being late to her cubicle? Whose was it always blamed her for the spitball attacks during Practice? Whose was it was raking a certain centaur over the coals for drooling over Opal Koboi, and in the process, drooling all over the commander's shoes?  
  
Holly grinned slightly over the last detail, and tucked it neatly away in the back of her mind, along with the mystery of why she had still been in the room while Artemis had disappeared. This wasn't a time for philosophy. This was a time for Really Cunning Plans. She hoped Foaly had some. Root was a notoriously bad planner.  
  
Author's Note:  
  
OK, our favorite pair has been separated, and some MORE mysteries have come to light. I know this probably isn't worth the month's wait, but it's what I came up with. Hopefully, there will be a better next chapter. And maybe some reviews? *hint hint, wink wink* See you later, if you still remember me by then!  
  
~Trisani 


End file.
